No one has ever roasted their living boomer parents with such satisfying righteousness. Let’s start a wave.
My mom is probably the toucher of children too. She’s a sicko psychopath. Other kids growing up always told me how they thought she was the best mom. I always corrected them, every-time. ‘If you only fucking knew.’
She was more than a helicopter mom to me. She was a constant subversive threat to my authentic nature.
My parents were intimidated by my intelligence when they couldn’t take credit for it. They fought to failure, again and again at suppressing me. My family of rich bigots are probably complete with dysfunctional cheating-liar women as well. The fathers are saps. It’s all hilarious.
Break your chains and tell them to fuck off.
Once, my father was committing me to slave labor. He was demanding I mow the lawn despite my every effort to make it more trouble than it was worth. Demanding I not mulch. And as he walked away after belittling me for needing the machine restarted by someone who gave a shit, I shouted, “Fuck you!”
It wasn’t hidden enough. He heard. His face was red and ready to attack if he heard correctly. My face was redder. He lied to himself when I fumbled over a half ass excuse of what I ‘really said’ that hadn’t even been close.
He was always a Kidder.
