I 'Suicidal' Different
stop being stupid
I hate you and I need you to help me feel better with a hug.
This is how I do it because I am surrounded by bigots. My bubble is not representative of people that care about me in the slightest. I have no community. This world has left me in my own little place, isolated by the walls surrounding me; people who see me as wrong by nature.
My voice in expressing this violent need I have to protect myself and my life—my mind—for my daughter and I is righteously awful. I cannot use it with balance because I’ve been fighting people so long who do nothing but lie.
It’s made worse when I break through the bubble and am scarred ever more by the people who are supposed to be my peers of spirit.
This feels strange, but I feel the need to demand respect for the way I’m presenting my suicidal ideations to the world—because I’m right to do it this way.
I simply will not let myself be blamed for my death from an anxiety ridden subconscious outburst at the wrong time. The understanding of it on the horizon has become tactile and it’s no time for playing around. Still, the blatancy of my communication—the authenticity which retains humor—it’s off-putting and confusing to people so used to not understanding what it means to be suicidal in the first place.
What is the most common sentiment after a suicide?
I wish I would have known it was that bad.
I’m saying it so you idiots can’t pretend it’s not your fault with me. Sorry not sorry I’m being mean about it. Somebody needs to figure out that I’m just a hurt dog, hiding under the bed, needing a fucking hug—begging for someone to care—and stop criticizing me for being a terrible communicator when I’m abused and constantly traumatized by society, get over it, and just help me.