Journal - Time Throws Fire
an accounting of the first pass in writing my third novel
I’m pretty stoked. I’m proud. It’s not done but it’s something to be seen and felt. There’s a knowing within me of how to make it right. I need to go forward from the beginning and add visual representations of everything and more dialogue scenes, then it will be perfect once tightened.
Still, I’m writing my therapy, and this drives me forward in more ways than one—it is my hope, what lives here, despite the challenges I face. I’m not well but still fighting and in knowing of the care I need which is unique. Someone able to help will see and I will be fine.
I’m going to fight hard now for someone willing to organize the reconstruction of my books who has professional capacity to do so. Someone will bite now—despite the oddity of how I present my works. I struggle to give a fucking shit to apply manuscripts of very specific specifications for each and every publisher and agent finding themself the one to wield power—showing them an advantage taker. I want co-operative partnerships. I embody the wisdom of these stories in action and that is hard. I won’t to do it wrong. I will do it. I’m surviving despite the clarity I allowed to present my suicidal feelings of moving through such hardship alone. The lessons here keep seeing me better and I have faith all needed happenings will come in due time—despite attachment to those screamings of my subconscious that it’s needed in shortest order to prevent difficulty in reality—a bridge for the gap until my work is sustaining.
I didn’t know the last chapter was anything other than the first chapter of the second to final part I had been very loosely imagining in one or two ways. I posted it that way and was going to lay down at five AM to realize why I couldn’t sleep and had to finish something so enormous. That was the end.
The why on my ending. It’s reflective of the tragedy of suicide and addresses that aspect of mental health and hierarchal structure’s complicity in maintaining it through visceral example. The story’s acceptable loose ends will prove the truth of that tragedy.
This reminded me of how I was unaware the portion which proved a flash forward with Echo in the intelligence holdings of The Foundry would draw back and figured it out through a panic attack written chapter of furious delusional divinity. I was figuring out through subtextual hints through the chapter and it probably was the root cause of the anxiety I was writing through.
The next book will be for the souls of planets and a cry for need to reconnect with mother earth to save us from the evil we’ve created by sacrificing our needed harmony with it to respect ourselves.
The Foundry proved to be about Political, Educational, Professional, and Military hierarchical structures needed change.
Time Throws Fire was about dunking on lame mental health practitioners opinions.
Fortuna Eterna is about environmental self-destruction being the root reasoning behind misogyny and hierarchy’s lies.
Illith showing up in the last chapter was my heart and Jusiceers is dope and it should stay pretty much the same as it is. I thought about remaking it with newfound style but that is not right. It’s Miriam’s story and she is the secret narrator for everything I ever write. Justiceers Universe is a thing I can no longer ignore the need to say. Even my unfinished Terror From the Deep is clearly a part. We’ll see when I get back to that. I know better how to quantify what I was spiritual-pschosising into more than a panic attack—panic attacks caused by writing. I was going too hard on my own feelings always. Gouging myself too hard with choices which came from subconscious need to address them.
There will be a duology in the end. I will write a true sequel to The Justiceers last. There is an epilogue for the tale which the text mentions being written by and Arthur of sorts, and I love that idea. The duology will see to properly explain the conjunction of all stories creations within Miriam’s timeline. It will be massive and the conclusion of my exploration into spirituality and gender and love and peace and the structure of the universe and the meaning of life. The difference should prove interesting.
This is my hope.
I love Semblance. It’s a perfect metaphor for a dualistic understanding of impossibility to balance between the rational and spiritual within me.
Every chapter of Time Throws Fire is the hottest and that is hot. Maybe not chapter two. Or that one eviscerating anyone with a manipulative and hateful bigot person. Or the one killing Alan in the sickest way imaginable with the ‘story’ warning in place—kidding, that’s hot. (sorry)
Truthfully, I don’t oppose trigger warnings with writing. I embrace the ideal. I also want to be clear always that my stories will hold no boundaries and all shall fear who enter—people will figure it out.
I’m pushing my writing on LinkedIn and I believe that will be a social platform that actually helps me.