Journey Into Dreams

on my interpretations of what happens when we dream

What’s the craziest dream you ever had?

That’s a question that I can’t answer personally. When I ponder it, narrowing things down seems laughable.

I kept dream journals for years, and got to a place where I was remembering pages worth of dreams every night.

The amount of times I’ve had dreams that rocked me to my core are so many, I cannot count.

Do I choose the time I meditated for an hour before bed? When I’d proclaimed strongly that I was ready to communicate with my spiritual guides, and that I was not afraid, only to have a whole night’s worth of nightmares. A literal carnival of my own fears. Which ended with me having a one way conversation with a shadowy figure who appeared both at the foot of my bed, as seen in flashes when trying to wake myself up, and within an office of this horror carnival. Where they said, ‘Who is to tell the difference between one level of reality and another?’

Maybe another day on that one.

Perhaps I’ll tell you of the time I went to sleep and woke back up after ten minutes, to remember myself having a very tangible conversation in a non-human language, which I could not understand now that I was awake.

That’s really it on that one. But how cool is that!

Or, I could tell you about the series of dreams I had where I received injections. That was crazy stuff.

I think I will tell you about those.

Maybe I’ll tell you one of my favorites — the dream where I showed a friend around a little dream city, and had distinctive memories throughout. Memories of having a great time at this restaurant, many times, but one in particular with a musical performance. Mind you, having this remembrance all while I’m standing there showing my friend in the ‘present’ dream-time, this restaurant as its closed down midday. Then, as we proceed, I continue to have memories of past dreamtime experiences in these different locations I’m showing off.

Memories in dreams? That’s wild shit.

But this all begs the question.

What even are dreams?

So, I’m going to ask a favor.

I’m going to ask you to consciously suspend disbelief for a moment.

This doesn’t mean I’m asking for you to check your discernment. Hold onto that.

But go on this little ride with me. And just be open to consider — what if?

What if Daphne’s actually right about some of this shit?

Just leave a door open in your mind space of rationality and discernment, to hear out, and feel how this interpretation of dream experiences resonates with you and your heart. Maybe some of it will, and some of it wont. Maybe none of it.

I can only share what I believe as truthfully as possible.

Because I do have strong beliefs.

I believe we exist beyond time. There is a larger, ‘higher’ self that exists outside of this experience we’re locked within. I believe we are a part of them. We have free will as we move throughout this experience. And sometimes, when we dream, we get glimpses of what is going on outside of time.

Still, this comes through scrambled. Because we can only remember it in these bodies, with subjects and locations this brain has coded within it. We tell little metaphorical stories which incapsulate something very real that has happened beyond this level of existence.

Some would call this astral travelling.

I’ve met many who think we all do just that, every night, and don’t remember. I think that’s a valid interpretation.

At the same time, I do believe we have basic bitch dreams sometimes. Internally generated dumps of our fears, projections of anxiety and sadness.

I also think some of our dreams are straight up messages from our heart, our higher self, or our guides to help steer us.

I think dreams can come in many forms.

The ones I’ve grown accustomed to cultivating. The ones I’m going to share about in this piece. Are dreams which are of the more esoteric variety.

Before I get into the juicy ones, I want to explain a little dream that gave me a lot of perspective on how I’ve come to believe things work.

Getting Through Customs

I came across the idea that sometimes we are needed to confer beyond, and so we travel at night. But when there is too much going on to interpret into some detailed metaphor, we tell ourselves a simple story, overwrite what really happened with a simple little lie.

Literally, the night I read this, I had the shortest of dreams.

Before going to bed I had meditated.

I’d set the intention of remembering my astral travels. Of bringing them back with me into this body. I’d stated these intentions forcefully, in repetition.

The dream I remembered was vague as fuck. And oh, so telling.

I’d dreamt I had tried to smuggle something through an airport and been caught.

There was nothing else at all for the whole night.

Such a confirmation for me of the truth I had stumbled upon. What a sick fuck the universe is when you try and figure things out.

I love it.

So, what else can happen in dreams?

Healing Past Life Trauma, Apparently

Early on my dream journaling journey. When I was starting to remember more and more. I had a dream that stuck with me. It actually had me wake up in tears.

I was an old man arriving to an office building.

It all felt so old-school, a military-like building, where I sat in a waiting room by receptionists for a long time.

Finally, meeting with another old man in his office, I sat down and had a very emotional conversation.

I revealed there, through tears, that I had held deep wounds from letting him take credit all these years for some creative project of mine. It had won him recognition somehow. He had stolen it. And it had haunted me the rest of my life. Harboring so much hatred towards this man that sat across from me. But even more towards myself.

This man cried when he spoke too.

He had carried an equal portion of guilt, a mirror of the grief I had carried.

There together. I forgave myself for letting him do it. They forgave themselves for taking whatever it was they took. We forgave each other. And I loved him.

I woke up in a puddle of tears.

There’s not one thing I can believe that dream was, other than releasing some past life trauma left unhealed.

I’ve certainly been a touchy bitch when it comes to working with others in my art endeavors. I’m very protective of my creative space and like to work alone. It’s kind of always been unjustifiably fierce, that protectiveness I have.

So, this all felt in line with parts of my personality which might lie in trauma outside of this lifetime.

Wild.

But what other kinds of dreams can you have?

Contact, Yo

Ever want to say hello to people on the other side?

You can. I swear. With a little dedication you’ll be having fucking insane dreams in no time.

All you have to do is meditate at least half an hour before bed every night. Be super zen already—having taken good care of yourself through the day emotionally, physically, and spiritually—then set the strongest intentions for inviting contact with benevolent beings from beyond. However it is that makes sense to you. Out loud, inside, in prayer, whatever.

Then go to bed.

Trip on that shit for a while. I swear. It’s so wild.

I’ll just hit a few of the dreams I had doing this.

Just so I don’t have to say it over and over. With every one of these dreams, I had fallen asleep to some very chill music, then woken up no more than fifteen minutes later, having remembered these wild experiences.

In my mind, dreams like this don’t usually happen in the first few minutes after going to sleep. They happen when you’re in deep cycle.

But I’m not a scholar. These are just my experiences and opinions.

Once, I was simply aware of my body asleep, unmovable, but could see out into my bedroom. I looked around for a moment until I froze. When I felt an energetic hand pressing onto my back. The strongest of touches. It was electric.

Then I woke up. As I so often did, because the fear got too strong.

When I would start to panic is when these dreams would shut down and I’d find myself back in my body.

There was another dream where I followed someone at a distance. To take the next elevator, because I was too freaked out to ride it with them.

When I got to the ground level, I saw a door closing just behind them, leading outside.

Standing there, before the front doors of this complex, I knew others were just on the other side.

But I was scared.

So, I busted out the front of the building in flight, as one does.

Sometimes, when I am consciously dreaming and it’s getting too freaky, I just blast off into flight. And so, I did that here, right through the front of this building.

I didn’t see any faces except for one, but there was a whole crowd standing together outside.

Joining me in flight, before I woke up, was my late grandfather.

It was quite sweet.

In another dream, where I had fears triggered, I found myself in a mobile home.

Just outside the window, I knew ‘they’ were there. But I was so fucking terrified.

So, when I woke up from that — after having been asleep for those standard ten to fifteen minutes — thinking about how I’d gone to bed stating strongly that I was not afraid and was ready to communicate more directly, I felt silly.

That message came through over and over. Check your fears.

Lastly, I’ll tell you about a series I had. Sometimes, it would start with me sitting in a chair. Once I was climbing stairs. And at least three times, I was hugged from behind.

In all of these dreams I was eventually lifted into the air, rising all tingly and full of vibrations, only to awaken feeling those same vibes in my body.

Twice, when being hugged from behind, I had words whispered in my ear.

One time they told me they loved me.

The other time it sounded all whispery, like a slithery snake. And I woke up telling them to fuck right off with that shit.

Again, they were giving me what I was asking for. Asking to see and absolve my fears so I could learn to communicate more directly.

Movies and television, books and campfire stories—we’re so coded for fear of spirit.

Trying to break down that wall is a battle with your own fear.

My guidance was helping me throughout. Even when it was scaring the shit out of me.

That night I mentioned before; the carnival of fears. I had a final dream. After waking up, explaining my nuanced nightmare to my partner, and finally going back to sleep.

It was a dream where I was hugged, by what could only be described as an angel, strangely embodied within Jim Carrey — of all people.

They hugged me from the front. And we rose up like in all those other dreams.

That was how I finally woke up for my day, after a night of terror.

Such a gift. A call to trust through the fear. To know I was safe.

So, here come the real freaky ones.

Those Injections

I’ve had four dreams I remember where I received an injection directly before waking up.

All of them were dreams where I was already consciously aware I was in a dream state before getting jabbed.

The first three were all surprises to me. Actually, the fourth one was too, but it was the only one where I didn’t feel like I was getting stabbed.

The scariest one had me walk into this home with a few women. One was an elder. She hugged my companion, but then looked at me strangely as one of the younger women walked around behind me.

I was told something like, ‘This isn’t going to be fun.’

Then I took a needle to my back and woke up with energy radiating from that spot, all shocked and my heart pounding.

That one definitely freaked me out the most.

Two were pretty routine, but one of those came from the hands of a childhood rival. Which was fun. This fucking punk from elementary school, all grown up, walked up to me with a grin at the end of a long and interesting astral dream, then jabbed me in the front left chest area.

I was getting used to it at that point.

The final one was gentle. I was laying down. Two people were over me. A very kind bearded man to my left, a young girl to my right. They had my hands.

The man was speaking to me. And I heard his words so incredibly clearly.

They felt truly auditory, in a way these kind of dream conversations never feel.

Again, I’m fully conscious that I’m in a dream, having what I believe is a contact experience with something or someone from beyond.

And I shout — deliriously excited — I can hear you!

He smiled at me like I was such a child. And was just like, ‘I know.’

Then he told me, ‘These are to make you superhuman’.

And the little girl gave me the gentlest jab in my right hand, feeling this huge surge of energy bloom from there.

I woke up with that hand on fire energetically and proceeded to do all kinds of crazy creative stuff that day.

So… wow… this has been a lot.

How are we going to bring this home?

Lastly… Daphne

I could go on and on, truly.

I didn’t even tell you about the summer I had a series of dreams that were distinctively ‘Astral College’. That culminated with a two-page (in my dream journal) epic of a dream. That not only included a graduation ceremony, but the rehearsal, and countless interactions with my favorite people. All taking place at this giant lakefront amphitheater.

Wild shit. I love it.

I didn’t tell you about the countless dreams I have still, on the regular, which are always about traveling to conference centers. Or some hotel. Or a family reunion. Where it feels like life paths and societal evolutions are being discussed and debated. Where I sometimes remember signing contracts with people. Or debating how things will go. Sometimes, I wake from these dreams with anger, not knowing what I was fighting for, but knowing I lost one of those debates.

It’s all so fucking cool.

Seriously. If writing this does anything, I hope it inspires someone to start a dream journal. Craziest stuff you’ll ever do.

But my name… That’s how I’m going to leave it.

A few times in my experiences of dreaming I’ve woken up repeating something.

Very forcefully.

This feels distinctively like I’ve been in some astral experience, knowing I was about to forget everything and wake up in my body, but wanted to remember one thing. So, I chanted it in repetition for my mind to remember upon waking.

When I was in the early throes of my gender awakening. I was searching for a name.

I thought of ‘G’ names. Since my deadname was one.

But none of them really worked for me.

I liked ‘Grace’, because if there was one thing I have tried to allow myself to embody through this transition, its grace.

It still wasn’t me though.

Then, one morning. I woke up repeating a name that I had always thought was pretty but would have never considered. Far too feminine—made me feel intimidated in that very early place I was in.

That name was Daphne.

I remember sitting there repeating the name. Thinking, “Daphne… who is that?”

And I knew right there. It was me.

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