RIP | Garett Garrido (1987-2024)
a memorial to the false person I once was
Garett was a nice boy, a kind man. He was also a lie that existed as a symptom of a society that wouldn’t have space for a truer version of self.
He was funny, always able to crack a joke, always able to lighten a room—even if the source of that humor was sadness, even if it was a projection of insecurity.
Garett was afraid and felt very alone. He tried through his life to make friends, but always had trouble connecting with people he was told should be his peers.
He hated his body. And this made him insecure to his bones. It made romance a pipedream and friendship a challenge.
Still, he loved those he found connection with deeply. He loved his family. He was grateful for all the time spent, no matter how deep a lie his existence was result of. No matter how much he sacrificed himself for these people.
Garett was creative and talented. Even if his creations were devoid of authentic meaning, a symptom of his own complete denial of self. Even if the projects he chose were driven by his fear of being seen for what existed within.
He was a protector. His aim to protect the self which would have been able to exist in a kinder world. Even if he didn’t know how to do that. Even if the whole endeavor was colored by distorted ideals coded into him. The same which had informed him safety was found by erecting walls around the heart, in hiding the most authentic parts of self. Never realizing, true strength comes from vulnerability, from knowing that nobody can take away the love which is yours by right.
Garett is ready to go now.
He exists as a part of the foundation of a whole person. A woman. The woman he long hid inside himself. The woman he, to his shame, took part suppressing.
His memories are now a part of hers.
Though he’s been gone in name for years. Remnants of this false identity have remained within this woman.
As she has walked her path, she found his voice inside. Sometimes screaming. Always afraid. Still trying to protect in his false way. His cries not serving the true self.
The woman who walks in this body stewarded by Garett for so long, didn’t even know herself for the tiny space she had been afforded to exist within.
Having unfurled, and come finally into being, she has gratitude for what Garett did to protect her all those years. But she is quite ready for the lingering portions of his false psyche to leave. The parts born of self-hatred. The parts born of dysphoria. The parts born of inauthenticity being foisted upon them for so long. The parts born of being forced to lie their whole life.
She’s ready to be free.
To those who knew the boy; the lie. Condolences for the loss of a person whom you knew. They are no longer here.
Know, they are the soil and seeds which have sprouted the new life which is me. While someone different stands before you to meet, the boy you knew will live on within me always.
Garett will not only live on inside me. He will live on forever in time. Just as he was. The beautiful, sad, lie of a boy. Love hidden from self but given so freely to others. His time was divine.
I hope you'll consider putting all this into a book someday... 🌿