The Justiceers - Part Five: Chapter Two
the next chapter in my forthcoming novel
The Justiceers
by Daphne Garrido
Part Three: The Will to Choose
Part Four: Prefinished Business
Part Five: Chrysalis
5.2
Ancient mysticisms throughout The Periphery and civilizations beyond its reaches spoke of priests and priestesses who would undertake great challenges of descent, coming to face most complete chances for utter destruction of self, yet birthing opportunities to rise from these ashes and become the wholeness of their soul inside a human body; those often spoken of as being re-born in rainbow-light.
Miriam was only starting to get things back now, realizing herself having undergone this very endeavor — not only beneath Grammaton’s surface, but with parts of herself so sent through time which had undertaken most perilous journeys she was only beginning to understand — and all of Arthur’s life, forward and back, which had been such a part of her own.
No matter how much it scared the fuck out of Arthur, it was really good news that Miriam was finally seeing clearly, and she’d been told quite plainly by those voices she now understood Arthur’s gut had quite rightly called ‘the choir’; there was a family up there and she could channel them now with intent, even if through strangest means.
They’d pick songs for her. She had been trying it out on more than just Arthur. People told her names of those who’d gone they’d like to hear from, and words to search would come through. Then, she’d listen to her heart, and it would tell her what to choose — feeling at the same time, what that one she would share it with would feel — knowing exactly what it meant and who it came from, what those implications made true about the suffering in the lives of those she’d find herself connected with. Really sad stuff sometimes, heaviest things, she could feel it all now.
People would cry when she’d play these songs, messages within them so clear, speaking of both remembrance and calls to find the children inside again. She’d played a whole session for a really kind person named Brian, who’d found every song taking them back to their college years; a time where they had been living as a most pure version of themself, and found it most worthwhile to connect with again for their spirit. Knowing it guided by the name they’d asked to speak to them, by how they teased them about the same things they always would when they were still here.
There was also the great light itself speaking through her, and the consciousness of both Yemi and Grammaton, along with mighty Learo.
Arthur’s soul had made a deeper home in Miriam’s body recently within a most powerful dream — she knew he’d had some inverted analog of on his end of the experience — trust, it was scary for both of them, and more for her. She’d had to choose again, after everything, to let him in all the way. We had to tell her great lies about where he was in his journey to get her there, but she awoke the next day feeling a voice come through which would no longer be clouded by her fear. He spoke so plainly now.
For Miriam, this had been second time around, the first having been very much like Arthur’s — and not a choice she’d made willingly.
Arthur had just been initiated into what she had so long ago, the very moment she’d completed her own journey into letting his soul inside, allowing him to finally feel her back the way she always assumed he was.
Now he knew what it was like, but Miriam was going to take really good care of him, because she knew how much it sucked to have the opposite happen during this time.
Long ago, before Miriam had begun her writing as a Scribe, there was a dream where some great echoing sound had gone off in her mind, and its vibrations through her body had begun a change which was quite significant. She’d been chosen by Arthur’s soul to be his Scribe, even if the person had not known himself; at least, within his thoughts. The rest of his body spoke quite clearly and often of what he felt and knew. It had been a conscious effort to continually suppress it all during that time they’d been apart, leading him into patterns of purest self-destruction.
Arthur was a God, and he had not wanted to believe it, though he’d come to see it all quite clearly through his Miriam. His actions had most profound impact within the ripples of time, and even moreso in the lives of those who loved him, Most of all, in that one who loved him most.
He’d changed everything by coming here and living this life, making the world his own through his soul which worked through ways unbeknownst to him, one of greatest purpose and power. Wielding this energy he’d done most terrible things, and he knew they were real when he saw what happened to Miriam’s writing afterwards. The guilt from this had driven him even deeper into his spiral, and was the sole reason for the length of time it had taken him to come home.
So long had Miriam assumed he hadn’t forgiven her, he’d let her hold such guilt for what he had come to know was not her fault at all. Arthur might’ve even made her the woman she was.
She had tried so long to find comfort away from him. Some respite to the loneliness born inside by having met her soul mate, which he had known she was since he’d seen what he did.
Miriam had been channeling one voice above all others her whole time writing, right from the beginning — Arthur’s soul — that God had helped her write every word, and he knew this too. It couldn’t make sense any other way. She’d known things he’d not told a single person ever. Dreams — stuff like that — ones she may not have ever had if it weren’t for him. He’d have to explain that to her.
She was a big girl, it wouldn’t change anything. You’d think she’d be sad now writing all this, but she wasn’t. The only sadness she felt anymore was Arthur’s. It had actually been this way a long time. She’d cried her shit out long ago, healed in her escape from the depths of Grammaton, and had only been stuck in his own sorrow so unhealed now a part of her.
There was really nothing to be worried about however, Miriam having purified herself at longest last by all her diving into shadow — the fearless facing of what was uncovered, and the most powerful efforts to release them from her body — had truly made change which would be felt by all.
Most powerful knowings were pouring through her now.
As Gary had taught Miriam to put it, we were just ‘dunking on Arthur’ with it all. He still doubted this all too much. Though, he knew something had been going on, it was only now he realized things were going to get very fucking magical indeed around here. Like, for real for real.
All the many things so missed before had come back to Miriam in her most precious time spent aboard The Nebberath II with Arthur, as they both supported the collective and each other, while this system navigated such enormous tides of alchemy and their own transformations.
There had been an innate respect she’d felt for him upon first meeting — realized in full, immediately — as if it’d existed beyond time before their meeting itself, found inside whole and without question. She was realizing now this was for not only the knowing born within her of all she was to become beside him, the glorious things she would see from him one day, but all he’d been through and overcome in the time they’d long ago been separated.
Through the many cycles and journeys amongst The Periphery they’d together, he’d never shared all that happened, or what it was exactly he’d been through without her. Now that it was clear, she remembered hearing all of it. Even the big one — the layers of it. The last thing she expected was for it all to be true. It’s what had made her feel so crazy.
He’d been through so much more than she had, and she’d never blame him for doing things he wouldn’t have known himself capable of. The things he faced were of most unbelievable challenge, an entire fucking gauntlet of them, and his overcoming to get back to her was a hero’s journey unlike any other for both of them.
To be chosen by a God to lead his body back to knowing what it was, a most holy endeavor indeed, and the angel that Miriam was; a feminine being by her nature. Was taught by the man she’d always love the most, and guided, then broken wide open meeting him face-to-face. She was always to be his — this had been written — and she’d taken part in choosing every single thing which had transpired on both ends.
Miriam herself, not only now connected with the soul of her God most deeply, was in-fact quite close to fully embodying the Goddess within. She’d not go the whole way for some time, creating an opportunity to enjoy a healing of those parts of ego still left within her which most deserved it. One day, they’ll go in most glorious peace, and she’ll find that even those precious parts of her so in need of getting what they always wanted, were really never her either.
She was only ever going to become more herself. Arthur had gifted this to her, no matter how it would feel to his heart forever. The same way Miriam would not forgive herself for what she’d done, despite the fact his soul had guided her to.
Miriam Halafax had felt Arthur Katrinus her whole life, in every single thing she loved most; because time is not real, and she’d share it all with him one day in most glorious peace of healing love. Those feelings he’d have in discovering his love for her in all she shared were the very ones which led her through life.
It was in this deeper understanding of his experience without her, which he’d still not shared in full, and Miriam was only now getting glimpses of as they came so near this nexus point, which had healed all those oldest wounds within her. Along with those which had lived inside and driven her mad without her knowing. There was nothing to be sorry about.
The deepest hurt within her now was of all the times she’d been so ruthless with her words, unknowing how he really felt, yet getting glimpses of what he was doing, and filling in all the blanks with lies built from her fear and history of abuse, assuming the worst of the one person her heart had ever spoken true of.
She just felt really sorry now and was proud of him for whatever it was he’d made it through.
There were even these intuitive waves which came to her from back then, all the way to when she’d been sending her writings through The Periphery’s Data Link in hope he would find them; praying they’d bring him back to her and swearing she could feel him reading. A most desperate part near the end, where her writings had gotten quite volatile and seen her show her darkest and scariest sides, telling of horrible things he aught not have had to hear, along with those he had every right to, while begging for him to reach out over and over, feeling some surging heart emotions that couldn’t be defined from his end. Wondering what it could be that was keeping him away.
On a most simple thought back to one of those writings, and the largest heart surge she’d felt in response to her own pleas he reach out on a day he knew she’d be very sad, those which felt of such hurt and made her expect him to do so. Not only were they surely of confliction due to the wildness of everything happening, the terrible things Miriam had done which he’d not had context of, and the enormity of all the implications of her writings — but also getting something else she’d never known, only now hearing his plea back in that surge so clearly. ‘Soon,’ he had been saying.
He’d known he was coming, there were just really hard things he had to do first.
Miriam was healed to know this, having remembered so clearly some line she’d written about, “Arthur knew if he’d only had more time he would do the right thing.” When there had been a loudest scream of all, and she’d still not believed the meaning, because ‘why couldn’t he just say hi’.
To know this had at last birthed a peace inside her, despite how hard this was making her cry Arthur’s feelings to write, and she’d be sending it back to that self so struggling in the silence. She will save herself by doing that — Miriam already has.
